Little Do You Know
by Al- Noodzi
Summary: "I love you." That one little statement can mean so much. Three simple words, yet they hold so much meaning. Uttering these words to that one person, revealing what truly lays in your heart. Making you so vulnerable, completely and utterly under their control. ((Rest of Description inside))...
1. Misunderstood Words

**"I love you." That one little statement can mean so much.**

 **Three simple words, yet they hold so much meaning. Uttering these words to that one person, revealing what truly lays in your heart. Making you so vulnerable, completely and utterly under their control. As they will have the power to either treasure you heart, keeping it safe and out of harm's way while shielding it; or shattering it to millions of pieces, stepping on it, and causing you hurt like no one else ever could.**

 **So is it worth it?If it meant that those three, short and simple, yet so powerful, words, could cause that person to feel like they mean the world to you, that nothing in the world was important, and nothing could bring them down, because you had each other. Would it be worth it to speak them then? To show what that person truly means to you?**

 **The events of this story start off in the middle of season 2 episode 9 from Junjou Romantica, around 15 minutes into the episode. But in the story's events, Misaki never gets to say to Usagi he loves him, to put his mind at ease. Read the story to know what happens if the ride ends too soon… and what occurs between the two afterwards.**

 **Story title inspired by the song (little do you know by Alex and Sierra).**

 **Disclaimer: of Junjo Romantica material and characters that are mentioned in this book.**

 **Chapter Song: All You Never Say by Birdy.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

 **Misunderstood Words**

* * *

 **Misaki's POV**

Today was just another one of the days that I got sucked into the _'Usagi whirlpool'_. I was just minding my business, and happened to walk into the living room to get to the kitchen, only to find Usagi-san torturing Aikawa-san again… The usual, right?

Well, no. Not necessarily. Not today.

So as I was saying, I was sucked into his world and ended up having to agree to plan a _'normal'_ date, by _'normal'_ human standards, not _'Usagi'_ standards, so Usagi-san will be able to finish writing the last few chapters of his novel.

 _Easy enough…_ WRONG! I couldn't have been more wrong!

Everything was going fine, well as fine as it could be after the gift his father sent me, until we reached one of the final few things on the list: visiting the new aquarium. He seemed distracted. I felt like maybe he was like that because I met his father and brother, even though it all happened by chance…

I was actually enjoying myself, making lame jokes, and Usagi was being his normal self, calling me a kid. I thought things were going back to the way they were before.

Then Usagi-ani happened. And well, I tried to get rid of him, but it wasn't as easy as I had hoped. I was glad that I finally was able to after almost running away from him. The Usagi family was so hard to reason with, thinking about it alone gave me a terrible headache.

I decided not mentioning my run in with Usagi-ani, to Usagi-san, was a good idea for now, so we would continue on enjoying the date and I hoped that he was able to learn something useful for his book, especially knowing how he'd react to hearing about his brother.

The ferris-wheel was our next stop. I was excited, especially about the view… But I could tell that something was bothering Usagi-san. So I tried to distract him, mentioning the view for him to look at, but I felt his eyes on me, never once leaving me.

He then said something I was hoping to never hear him utter. "I think maybe it would be best if you kept your distance from me."

Hearing the words left me with a pang of pain in my heart… I did the only thing I could think of at that moment… I played along.

"O-oh, yeah, maybe…" I said, looking away from him again. "I mean, I totally got roped into doing this hands-on lesson today anyway you look at it. And not only this time; somehow I always end up the victim of unfortunate circumstances whenever I am with you." I laughed awkwardly just then before adding, "Yeah, you're totally right! I know, there's a new volume of my favorite manga coming out. You can buy that and I'll forgive you." I joked, hoping that it will blow over with just that.

"You could go to Takahiro's place, or live on your own," he said, ignoring my rant. "Either way, I'll cover all of your expenses."

My hands fisted on their own in my lap as I replied, my eyes still directed at the Tokyo Tower, "I don't need that." Then something came to my mind that I had to ask, so I did. "Oh, did you happen to see me with your brother at the aquarium?

"Um, look, I want you to trust me on this: every time we've met it's just been a coincidence." I tried to reassure him, in case that was what brought this on. "This time too. We just happened to bump into each other. He said that the aquarium was something he'd worked on, and he was there on business."

It must be why he was acting this way, and saying these things. "Of course, there is no way I could have known that. So, I mean, I couldn't have been on my guard even if I wanted to." I said finally looking his way. "Er, but, I _do_ try to be careful… Are you mad?"

"No, that is not what I am talking about…" he said, his eyes locked on his hands that were resting against his lap, not meeting my gaze.

"Then, what are you talking about?" I insisted, getting frustrated, "You have been really acting weird these days! Well, you are always weird, but…"

 _Could it be that I did something to bother him…?_ I wondered in worry.

"I…" I was about to ask but he beat me to it.

"I just… don't want to hurt you…" he mumbled. "I always thought, with regards to everything, that it was better for me to just hold back and… restrain myself rather than risk the relationship falling apart: that is how I have lived my whole life. And in fact, I thought I'd done pretty well for myself that way, and I was satisfied with it.

"But ever since I met you, I haven't been able to bear it anymore. It's entirely possible that you will come into contact with my family again in the future. My family knows sides of me that you don't. And I can't help but wondering if you would go away from me if you found out about them. I think I might do anything to stop you.

"I'm afraid. I don't want to restrain you, but at the same time I want to lock you away. Hurting you is the one thing I never want to do. But that is not the reality. I'd rather we part ways now, than have you despise me and leave me behind one day. My biggest fear is losing you."

I was practically speechless as I listened to him. I have never heard him speak like this before. He was telling me things I never thought I would hear from him.

"Er, well, but you've never done anything to hurt me…" I tried to reason with him, reassure him.

"Soon after we started living together, I practically forced myself on you." I gasped, surprised by his words.

"U-um… Uh, then, is it…" I couldn't say a full sentence, stumbling on my words. I finally regained some sense as I said, "Then, is it safe to say that the reason you've been acting so strange recently is all… because of this?"

 _I had no idea that Usagi-san was suffering over that… Can I take that to mean… he doesn't want me to hate him…? I was the one who didn't understand. I was the one who didn't have a clue at all. Usagi-san had been worried all this time. He's been thinking about me, just me, for all this time. I'm sorry._ I thought to myself as I realized all of this. _I'm not very good with complicated things or big words, but…_ _the one thing I could say is…_

The farris-wheel stopped. I was just about to say the words that I thought would help put Usagi-san's mind at ease, and just like that, the ride ended. The door was opened for us to get out, and Usagi-san didn't spare a moment in doing just that. Letting me know that he was done talking.

I was so close… so close to uttering the words that he had told me before he wanted to hear… My mouth was still open as I was about to speak his name…

But it was too late…

So you see… Today wasn't just another day that I got stuck in the ' _Usagi whirlpool'_. It was also the last time. Because as we made our way home, skipping dinner at the diner, not a single word was exchanged. We got home and went into the penthouse. Usagi didn't even look at me, as if the conversation that we had on the farris-wheel sealed what was between us.

I was shut out completely. This was it. What we shared… it was over.

He made his way to his office, and for the next few days, I didn't see him. He didn't eat with me anymore. I would leave him his meals in the fridge and he would heat it up at his leisure. That's how it is now.

I got the hint. His words when he asked me to move out, they were real. So here I was all packed up. I made sure to call my brother moments before I was about to leave the house, to let him know that I would be there. I didn't want to call him before, so he wouldn't bother Usagi-san.

I made sure to leave him a note, as to not worry him, because in my mind I found myself believing that it was the last time I would see him. He said he didn't want to hurt me that night, but here I was… with a broken heart… I guess it was my fault for not saying the words out loud.

I left the keys to the penthouse next to the phone on my way out, just above the note.

 _Take care._ I thought as I made my way to the cab that awaited me, carrying three of my bags with me, not caring about the furniture, merely my clothes and things I would need for school.

* * *

 **Usagi's POV**

When Misaki reserved the package sent to him from my father, I lost it. Especially when he told me that he'd met with him. He insisted that it was by chance, and I truly believed him, but what worried me is what my father might have told him.

One thing I never wanted Misaki to know is the things that happened in my past, things about myself that no one knows but my family. The main reason why I don't want him to know is that I don't want him to hate me… I don't want to lose the one I love again…

My mind was occupied by those thoughts throughout the date that Misaki had planned. I have to say, I love him for taking the time to do this for me, for putting so much thought into helping me out. But then when we were in the aquarium, I saw him and my brother talking when he went to the bathroom.

I was so worried. All my fears about my family saying something to him that would make him hate me came rushing back, and I couldn't help but wonder: What would be better? Losing him after he hates me, or letting him go when he still accepts me…?

It was hard. The choice was hard. I love Misaki. He means the world to me… but I don't want him to hate me, and I definitely don't want him to get hurt.

I wasn't planning on saying anything after I saw my brother with Misaki, but I couldn't hold back once I said it. I told him what I thought about keeping his distance from me. I barely heard a word he said after that as so many thoughts ran through my head after I said the words. I then said that he should move out, assuring him that I would pay all of his expenses.

My heart ached as I spoke the words. I could see the look in his eyes when I said it, and it broke my heart, but I knew that it was the best thing for him now. He will come into contact with my family again. I was sure of it. As long as we were together, I couldn't guaranty that they won't meet again.

He tried to explain to me that all the meetings with my brother were by chance, and that he is always on his guard, but I started to talk after that… about things I never thought I would say to him, about how I felt, about my fears.

I need him. I need my Misaki in my life, but I can't keep him locked up, as much as I want to. I have grown used to him being there. Every day, most of the day. I can't spend a day where I don't see him. That is what made this even harder.

He told me how I never hurt him, which made me mention the way I forced him to be with me. I could tell that he was surprised, even though I thought that he shouldn't be. I was only mentioning the facts.

The ferris-wheel stopped, and I didn't wait to hear what he obviously was about to say. I feared what he would tell me, if he would say that he hated me for what happened that time, if he thought that I was being senseless and my fears where baseless, but I knew they were real. So I stood up and left. His eyes followed me as I walked out, his mouth hung open with the words he didn't get to say. It didn't take long for him to follow me.

We didn't complete what was on the list for the date. I drove us straight home after that. I couldn't speak another word as I felt my throat constrict painfully at what I had suggested only moments ago. When we got home, I received a text from Aikawa that she needed the book done by morning, and so I locked myself in the office once we reached the penthouse.

I didn't think Misaki wanted to speak to me anymore after what I said. I wasn't waiting for him to tell me that I didn't force him, but I knew Misaki… I thought at least he'd have something to say about it, but he didn't… or maybe it was my fault for not giving him the chance to.

I passed out early that morning after finishing the book and sending it. I completely skipped breakfast and lunch as I slept till the sun started to set that evening. When I woke up, Misaki had apparently eaten already and left me some food to heat up for dinner in the fridge.

I had a few more things to finish up for work and was extremely busy the next few days. He left me food in the fridge when I skipped meals. I was thankful. It minimized the possibilities of me burning down the house in an attempt to make something to eat; or even passing out because I didn't bother even trying to cook.

I wanted to speak to Misaki so bad though. I missed hearing his voice. I was worried about what he might say. Matter-of-fact, I was terrified of hearing what he had to say about what I told him on the ferris-wheel. I didn't know if I could play it off like I did before. I didn't want to. We really should discuss it. So I decided to ignore what little was left of the work I had and went looking for Misaki.

I hadn't expected it. I never expected it. I should have, but I didn't. So here I am, after searching the house for him, standing close to the door where I found his keys over a note he left me.

 _Usagi-san,_

 _I understand what you meant and I respect your decision. I don't want to impose on you anymore. I should have moved out when my brother returned. Don't worry about me not returning because I have moved back with Takahiro. Sorry for causing you so much trouble. Take care of yourself._

 _Misaki._

I could feel my heart as it sunk in my chest. Misaki left. He left, and didn't say anything before he did. Just a note. He left and merely wrote me a note to not worry. How could this have happened? My worst fear. Losing my Misaki… it has come to pass…

* * *

 **AN: Finally a new fic. Hope you like it. Review and let me know what you think 3**


	2. Life Without You

**Song: Shelter by Birdy...**

 **CHAPTER 2**

 **Life Without You**

* * *

 **Misaki's POV**

I got to Nii-chan's place not too long after I left Usagi-san's. My brother, as he always did, welcomed me with open arms… literally. He almost knocked me off my feet as he wrapped me in his arms once he laid eyes on me.

Seriously! I just saw him a week ago. I did miss him, but there was no need for all this.

In reality… the reason I didn't want him to hug me was that when he did was because I felt like bawling my eyes out, and spilling everything that was weighing on my heart to him. I couldn't though… What would he think of me…? Of Usagi-san…? I can't tell him that I love Usagi-san. Or that Usagi-san loves me. _loved me…_ I don't know what he'll do if he finds out. I don't think I even want to know…

I felt so lonely. I just left Usagi-san, but I already felt so much pain and loss. I had Nii-chan and Nee-san fussing over me, yet here I am, feeling so alone… _I'm so pathetic…_

"Misaki-kun, why didn't you tell me before that you were coming?" Nii-san asked.

"I didn't want to alert you or anything…" I mumbled awkwardly, forcing out a laugh.

My brother's normal grin vanished as a deep frown knitted his brows before he asked, "Misaki-kun, did something happen between you and Usagi?"

My lips parted, but I couldn't speak until he called my name again. I had to push tears back before I replied with a smile that I didn't feel like giving, "I thought that it was time for me to move out. I have stayed there for so long. I don't really want to impose on him anymore. I am thinking of getting my own place, but I need somewhere to stay till then. And who better to stay with then my Nii-chan?" My smile widened as I wanted him to believe me.

I hate lying to him… but he can't know…

"Oh… So you both are still on good terms? Because the last time, after I returned from Osaka, I remember him telling me that you wanted to stay with him, and he had so many things to tell me about it. Like you crying to him about-…"

"NII-CHAN! That didn't happen!" I insisted, making him laugh at my reaction, which wasn't my plan.

But it distracted him… That was good. Because it reminded me of that day, of how he told me that he wanted me to stay with him. I wanted so bad to stay with him. Maybe even for the rest of my life… That won't happen now. That brought tears to my eyes again, ones that were much harder to keep under control.

So I pretended to be upset with him laughing at me as I got up from the seat at the counter in the kitchen. I grabbed my bags and headed to the room my brother told me was mine. "I'll go settle in now…" I said over my shoulder.

"Come on, Ototo, I was joking! I didn't mean to upset you!" Nii-san yelled after me, still chuckling.

"Be nicer to your brother, Darling," I heard Manami say to him. Their voices faded as I closed the door behind me, dropping my luggage on the ground as I leaned against the wooden door.

"Hold it together, Misaki… Don't… c-cry…" I mumbled to myself, failing to follow my words as I already felt the tears starting to spill from my eyes. I placed a hand over my lips to muffle the sob that escaped me. There was no need to worry nii-chan…

 _I am fine… or at least I will be…_

* * *

 **Usagi's POV**

I couldn't help myself as I sat on the couch in the living room, reading the note he left me, over and over… and over again…

I thought of going after him, but was that the right thing to do? I was the one that told him that he should move. I can't blame him for my own mistake.

I feel like my life had ended with him not being here and those thoughts didn't make me feel any better.

 _Will I be able to go on…?_

I didn't know what to think… or what to do. I think I still haven't gotten over the initial shock. It still hasn't settled in. _I just lost my Misaki_ …

"Misaki…" His name came as a mumble from between my lips. My mind filled with only thoughts of him.

I'm so stupid. Who in the world pushes away the only person they love with their whole heart? _Obviously me…_

I hated myself for what I have done. I shouldn't have done it. I'm so worried that it'll be too late now for any sort of reconciling between us.

 _What should I do…?_ I thought of calling him, but what if he didn't want to talk to me? I then thought of calling his brother, but thought better of it. He never wanted his brother to know, so I doubt that he'd tell him now. Besides, I wasn't up to answering any questions Takahiro might have.

At that thought, I heard the phone ring. Being the pathetic self I was now, I hurried to it, wishing with everything I had that it was Misaki.

"Misa-…"

"Oh, hello, Usagi," I heard Takahiro's voice from the other end, cutting me off. "Usagi…? Are you there?"

"Oh, yes," was my short, disappointed reply.

"Ahh. Good. I just wanted to assure you that Misaki is here, in case he failed to call you, or tell you that he was leaving." Takahiro said with a small chuckle.

"I am glad that he is safe…" I stopped talking for a moment.

"Umm… Usagi…? Did something happen with you two? Misaki didn't seem like himself when he got here."

"Did… did he say something?" I asked, wondering if he maybe did want to speak.

"No. He just said that he didn't want to trouble you anymore. But I could tell that something else was bothering him. I thought, perhaps you might know…?"

I sighed, my shoulders falling in defeat. This was my fault. He is upset because of my selfishness. "I don't know. Maybe you should ask him?"

"I tried. He didn't want to talk about it. He keeps changing the subject, telling me that he is alright… Ah, sorry, Usagi. I didn't mean to trouble you with this. I'm just worried about him, that's all."

"It's alright. I understand. Let me know how he's doing, alright?" I asked, hoping that I won't be cut off from any news of him.

"Sure. Thank you, Usagi… for taking care of him for so long," he finally said.

"It was the other way around actually," I replied before we both said our goodbyes and hung up. Again, I was left alone with my thoughts.

I had work to do. I should perhaps concentrate on that for now. There was no use going through one loop, only to jump into another with the things that were circling around in my mind. It would drive me insane.

So that's what I did. I went into my office and started working on another novel I was also finishing up. That night when I couldn't sleep, I did the only thing I was able to do: I kept working.

In the morning, Aikawa came by since I had stopped answering the phone when it drove me insane, hoping that it was Misaki only for it to be someone else. She sat on the couch opposite where I did and read through what I handed her.

I was so focused on trying not to think about Misaki, which led me to only think about him. I just opened a new box of cigarettes when Aikawa arrived and now I was smoking the last one, emptying the box from its last toxic stick.

"Sensei, you shouldn't smoke so much…" Aikawa said with a frown as she swatted her hand in front of her, clearing her breathing air from smoke.

She went back to reading when I didn't acknowledge her and kept smoking. Aikawa finally was done and placed the papers on the table before her eyes met mine as she sat up straight while glaring at me.

"Sensei. Forgive my bluntness, but this is shit. The story we discussed doesn't end with all the characters dying! What in the world were you thinking?!" Her voice got louder in the end before she added, "This is unacceptable! Re-write it!"

"No."

"Excuse me?" she said, still glaring at me.

"I said, NO. This is all you are getting. That's how I see the story ending." I somehow ended up with this idea of ending the book this way. I felt like I wanted to do something to take out my frustration on how things ended up with Misaki and I… but couldn't think of a better way.

"No," she said, repeating my simple declaration. "This is _not_ how it is supposed to end."

"It is. There is never a happy ending, so why trick people into thinking so?" I replied simply as I got up and moved into the kitchen to get myself a mug of coffee. "They should realize that sooner than later. I'm just helping them see that."

"Sensei, are you alright?" Aikawa asked worriedly. "Is there something going on with you?"

"No," was my short reply, the same one I used earlier.

"Sensei, I will not accept this yet. Please reconsider. I know what your readers like, and they will not like this. I will leave this with you and extend the deadline, but you must try and work out a better ending then those gruesome deaths you laid out for each of the characters."

"They're not that bad. I only burned one alive, and made the other jump in front of a train, and the girl I-…"

"Exactly!" Aikawa yelled interrupting me, "What in the world made you write that?! And all the bloody details and gore. You might as well write a zombie novel. This was supposed to be a romance/humor novel for crying out loud!" she commented as she went on to bring out some other work for me to choose from for my next work. "If you are having trouble deciding, I will help you come up with an idea of how the book will end."

"Why don't you just write the ending you want and let me go get some sleep?" I replied with boredom.

"Sensei, be serious. We need to fix this ASAP!" she said heatedly, now more serious than a second ago.

I sighed, resigning to just listening to her… more like pretending to as she ranted on and on about the different theories she had of what the ending of the book should be. We finally ended it with her leaving the apartment angrily, threatening me about finishing the book in time and with a perfect ending.

I sighed as I reclined back onto the couch, letting the smoke I inhaled from the bud between my fingers leave my lungs as my eyes trained on the celling.

 _How could I write a romance novel now when I have screwed up my own love life…?_ I wondered as I took another drag from the cigarette before I stomped it in the ashtray and lay down on the couch. My mind not once thinking of anything else but Misaki… which made me pull out the crumbled piece of paper from my pocket and hold it in front of me, re-reading Misaki's words, as if doing that would bring him back to me…

 _How could I have messed up this way?_ My heart ached as my other hand fumbled with my mobile-phone until it reached Misaki's name on it, but then my cowardice held me back from just pressing that one button on the phone. Just one click and I might have been able to convince him to come back to me… but… I couldn't. My hand dropped to my side as I let go of the device before I closed my eye tightly.

* * *

 **Misaki's POV**

I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night long, but I wasn't able to get a peaceful moment as his face hunted me every time I closed my eyes. Oh god, how tempted I was to just run back to him and beg him to not let go of me this easily… but in my heart I felt that it was too late…

 _It'll get better…_ I kept telling myself over and over. _I will get through this…_

My words that were meant to be a form of encouragement did nothing but discourage me. I didn't want it to get better. Being without him wasn't supposed to get better. I wanted to be with him now more than ever, and the realization killed me. Because I knew that I was wrong about everything I did and how I handled the situation.

I should have said it from the start instead of running away from my feelings. But what good is it now? I can't change anything now…

I deserved the pain I felt, and the loneliness. All it would have taken was for me to admit what I felt for him. How he made me feel when he was around, or when he whispered to me with that voice of his… or even the touch of his cold fingers against my heated skin-…

 _NO! MISAKI! NO!_ I scolded myself mentally as my mind drifted to old memories. I wouldn't be able to be strong if I kept thinking that way. _I want him though…_ That thought alone made me blush, even though there wasn't a need to, because there was no way for him to know that now.

I wish things had ended on a better note though. I wish the last time I saw him wasn't with that pained face he had on the farris wheel.

Is it wrong of me to miss that arrogant smirk of his?

 _I wonder if you even thought of me at all since I left... if you miss me…_

Again, I ended up scolding myself. Why would he think about me when he was the one that told me that I should leave…?

I bet he is happier now. Maybe even thankful that he finally was able to get rid of me.

The ceiling I was staring at began to blur as my eyes filled with tears, feeling hurt that he was probably glad that I wasn't there anymore.

 _So much for being strong…_ I sighed as I turned to my side, curling in a tight ball on the futon I lay on. I pulled the covers over my head… crying myself till exhaustion, at least I was finally able to sleep…


	3. Shattered

**SONG: Burn by Neyo.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3**

 **Shattered**

* * *

 **Misaki's POV**

I woke up early the next morning, wondering when I had fallen asleep. I felt horrible, sleep deprived, and over all exhausted. I wondered how I'd be able to keep up with my schedule for the day.

After I got dressed and ready for college, I went out to where the source of the breakfast smell came from. My brother and his wife greeted me as I helped Manami set the table before we all sat to eat.

"Misaki, when do your classes finish today?" Takahiro asked me.

"Around 3," I replied while I ate.

"I finish work about the same time, so maybe we could do something after that. Perhaps go out for dinner?" Takahiro said excitedly.

I smiled at him despite myself as I said, "Sounds good. But what about I make dinner today? As a thank you for letting me stay here?"

"Misaki-kun, we can't ask you to do that-…" Manami interjected.

"You're not asking. I'm offering. Please, I insist," I said with the same smile. I just hoped it didn't show that I was forcing myself to smile the way I was.

"In truth, I have missed your cooking, Misaki-chan," Nii-san said.

"Then it's settled! I will make dinner," I announced as I got up, taking my plates to the sink to wash them.

"Then I will pick you up after I am done with work, and we could go together to the market to get what you need," Nii-san added cheerily. I nodded, having my back turned to him as I made my way to the door.

"I will be late if I don't leave now. I'll see you after classes, Nii-chan," I said as I walked out the door and headed to the train station.

"Have a good day!" I heard his voice exclaim from behind the now closed door.

Classes were boring… not that I was able to concentrate on anything. Sumi-senpai kept insisting that there was something bothering me, which only got on my nerves. I ended up getting angry because he refused to take my answer of _'I am well'_ and kept asking. But I didn't know whether I was angry at him or at the situation I landed myself in. But one thing was clear to me: being angry is better than feeling like breaking down in tears.

I hoped my anger lasted though as I waited for Nii-chan at the end of the day by the gates. I hated the wait, as it got me thinking all over again of Usagi-san, and all the things I could have done differently. I sighed for what seemed like the millionth time since that morning as I stared at my shoes.

"If you keep frowning, your face will get stuck like that," I heard, which had me look up to see my brother standing there, his face reflecting a frown as well.

"Tell yourself that," I muttered as I stood straight from where I was leaning against the outer wall of the school.

"What's bothering you, Misaki-chan?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing. Just tired. It was a long day," I said as I started walking. He immediately followed me until he was walking next to me.

"Perhaps you shouldn't tire yourself further by cooking tonight…" he said with worry.

"Nii-chan, I'm fine. It's just the overload of information from classes, that's all." I played it off, waving the topic away.

"If you say so," Nii-chan said before adding, "You always had trouble with learning so much at once."

"NII-CHAN!" I exclaimed childishly, my hands fisted at my sides as I looked at him, not enjoying his teasing.

"What? It's true!" he insisted with a laugh as he ruffled my hair.

The conversation was lost to me when he did that. It wasn't the familiar feeling that I had become used to over the past three years with Usagi-san. No... It was completely different. I didn't like it. Not how I liked feeling Usagi-san's large hand against my head, his cold fingers messing up my hair.

"Misaki?" Nii-chan asked with a frown. I must have shown some of what I was feeling on my face. So I quickly composed myself before sighing heavily as I pretended to still be annoyed with his words and marched away. I had to keep up this charade of being all right, for the sake of not worrying my brother.

"I am not stupid!" I yelled over my shoulder. To my relief, he chuckled as he followed me.

As we got to the supermarket that I insisted on going to, even though it was out of our way, he grabbed a cart as we walked through the aisles. "Why did you want this supermarket? There is one closer to the apartment."

"There are some ingredients that other stores don't sell, but they have them here," I said not paying much attention as I compared two products for quality and price. After getting all that I needed, Nii-chan was again teasing me as we made our way to the counter to pay for the things we got.

My eyes traveled from my brother to the counter we were approaching. I stopped in my spot, completely frozen once my eyes locked onto the figure that was standing there, still not noticing us. I prayed that he didn't notice and just walked away without turning our way.

But when have I been so lucky?

"Usagi!" I heard my brother exclaim from beside me as he waved at his friend, making me wince.

I loved my brother very much… but moments like these made me feel something else… something I couldn't define. I wished that I had told my brother so he would know at that moment that I wasn't in a position to come face to face with this man right now.

I was scared, completely crippled in my spot with fear. I loved him so much that I didn't want him to hate me. Can he not hate me? I just didn't think that I could live with that. Even if we are no longer together… I can't...

The moment Usagi turned our way, my eyes dropped to the ground. I can't face him. I felt guilt, as well as betrayal: guilt at the way I handled things and at how I didn't just fess my love to him; and betrayal at how easily he let me go. I would rather have had him yell at me when it happened, than have him completely block me out of his life the way he did. And yet again, I came to the conclusion of it being my fault.

"T-Takahiro." I heard his raspy voice, the one he used to whisper to me with; the same voice that he told me he loved me with… It's only been a day, but I sure as hell miss it. I didn't know why he sounded hesitant, but I didn't dare look up. I didn't dare look his way.

"Hello!" my naïve brother said before gripping my arm and starting to walk towards Usagi-san excitedly.

* * *

 **Usagi's POV**

I was having one terrible day. I was barely able to drag myself out of bed. I didn't want to face a day without my Misaki. It felt so unbearable without him around. Every day was like it was forced upon me.

I went through the three packs of cigarettes I had left in my house. Running out didn't curb my appetite for the toxin as I craved it like never before. I wanted to feel something other than this suffocation that was definitely not the cause of the smoking I was doing. The cigarettes were somehow dulling that pain, but I needed more… Something stronger.

As the thought occurred to me, I looked up at the clock. Was it strange that I remembered that Misaki finished class now? Normally I would be on my way now to pick him up. Maybe if I did, I would be able to make amends with him and beg him to come back to the pathetic self that I have become without him.

I heaved a sigh. I knew I couldn't do that. I dragged myself off of the couch I was lazing around on and headed to the door. One thought in my mind was that I needed a way to rid myself of this constant ache in my chest; perhaps a good dose of alcohol would sate it… just maybe…

I made my way to the convenience store; unconsciously going to the one Misaki liked shopping at. I would normally be dragged to it because Misaki liked shopping there most, ignoring the one that was closer to us almost every time. Dragged was an exaggeration, I actually liked going there… in fact, going anywhere with the kid was something I took every opportunity I got to do.

I sighed as I walked into it, making my way towards the liquor aisle as my first stop. I didn't really take the time to look around, grabbing a couple of bottles before heading towards the cashier and asking him to include cigarettes to the bill.

I was about to pay when I heard my name being called, making me look towards where the very familiar voice came from. What shocked me to the core was the unexpected sight of the Takahashi brothers; more Misaki than Takahiro.

I couldn't move my eyes from Misaki, even as I spoke his brother's name, which came out as a stutter. My Misaki… I wanted to take him into my arms so bad. He looked troubled, so I didn't speak to him. I tried my best not to. Perhaps he was mad at me. I wish I could read his thoughts…

His eyes never once met mine, even as his brother dragged him towards where I was. Ah, the naiveté of Takahiro astounded me. As much as he knew his brother, he didn't seem to know a thing of what was going on, or what was bothering his brother.

Takahiro started chatting up a storm. I tried to listen to him, focus on his words, but my eyes kept going back to Misaki.

 _Look at me…_ I wanted so badly for his eyes to look towards me… his beautiful, gorgeous green orbs that were so perfect and innocent.

I didn't realize when Takahiro stopped talking, but then he called my name and that snapped me out of it. He finally seemed to realize that something was bothering his brother, as he looked between the two of us with a frown before he asked seriously, "Are the two of you fighting?"

"N-No…" I heard Misaki's meek voice say. As low as it was, I wanted to hear it some more. _Please say something else…_

"Then what is it?" Takahiro asked.

"Nothing." This time it was me who replied, not wanting Misaki to have to explain things to his brother when he definitely seemed not to want to do so.

He then looked less serious, but still was frowning as he turned to Misaki and said, "Misaki, don't be rude, say hi then."

 _Yes, still naïve as ever._

Misaki seemed to tense. I wanted to hold him. Tell him that it was all right as he started to shake. I could see his fists balled at his sides. He was stressed… I didn't want to be the cause of it, but I knew I was. As soon as I opened my mouth to finally say something to him directly, I stopped as I yet again lost my chance when he dashed towards the door.

* * *

 **Misaki's POV**

I couldn't hear a thing beyond the pounding of my heart in my ears. He didn't say a word… not to me. I was dreading this. He seemed to have moved on… as if he didn't care anymore. My eyes filled with tears and I fought hard against them. I didn't want to cry… I didn't want to make him feel guilty, as it was not his fault where we were now: it was all on me.

Nii-chan asked if we were in a fight, and I replied with a simple 'no', as I couldn't muster any other word. My heart felt heavy, and I knew that if I spoke any more that my tears would be heard in my voice… Even with the simple 'no', I couldn't control the quiver that my voice held.

Nii-chan was making things harder for me, especially when he told me to greet Usagi. He didn't know how much I wanted that. How badly I wanted to just wrap my arms around him, and be engulfed in his embrace as I begged for him to forgive me for being so stupid.

But everything felt like it was too much. A simple request of a greeting was too much for me right then. I was at a breaking point. Probably passed it even, as I felt a tear slip from my eyes.

I didn't need this right now. I had to get out of there. I didn't want them to see me in tears. I wouldn't show them how pathetic I really was. I indeed was pathetic, for not being able to fess my love to the man I truly ever felt anything for, and the one that made me feel like I was floating in bliss when he was around me.

I acted like a stupid kid and made him despise me, shun me even. How could have I been so…stupid…? I lost the one I cared for so much just because of my stubbornness and a wavering resolve.

I couldn't stay there anymore, so I ran out of the store, into the street, barely hearing the honking of car horns and my brother's voice from behind me, calling for me to stop. But I didn't. I kept running.

How long I ran, I have no idea. But when I stopped, I was heavily panting, completely breathless, and my lungs were burning from the effort. By now I was full out crying, unable to contain the tears that were leaving my eyes. I wiped my hand against my cheek before leaning against a wall I was close to.

I looked around to try and see where I was, finally spotting a park. The street was empty and the park as well. I made my way there, slumping against a bench as I covered my face with my hands and allowed myself to cry for my loss. Yes. It was the biggest loss I have felt after my parents' death.

 _What would they think of me if they knew I was crying over a man that I have fallen in love with…?_

I stopped that train of thought though. It was that kind of thinking that had gotten me in this mess in the first place. I wanted Usagi-san… Why did it take so long for me to realize that? To realize how much I truly loved him? I always guessed that it was enough to feel it, that he would understand what I felt. But now that I think about it, I wonder how in the world he would have known what I felt unless he could read minds and he definitely can't do that…

I cried my heart out. I couldn't stop the sobs that left my lips as I wept. _Pathetic_. My mind kept repeating, as if I didn't feel so terrible already, my self-worth hitting rock bottom. I was pining over a man that has already moved on. I should move on too… but it felt so wrong…

 _If it wasn't wrong, then why does my chest feel like it is being ripped to shreds…_?My mind tried to reason with me. It was as if I was in a dialogue with myself, always contradicting my own thoughts, especially ones of Usagi. It felt like I was losing my mind.

"Usagi…" I sobbed. Was it wrong of me to want him even after how I treated him…? How I didn't show him the same kindness and love that he showered me with…? "I'm sorry…" I was; terribly, utterly, completely sorry and regretful. I wanted to tell him that… No, I _needed_ to tell him that I was sorry. I needed to know that he forgave me. I knew for sure that I wouldn't be able to live like this… not without closure at least. I had to find out if he forgave my ignorance and dimwittedness. I never meant for him to hate me… I never wanted him to.

* * *

 **AN: My dear readers, I would like to let you know that a misunderstanding did happen in the story, but it is mainly about Misaki missing his chance to finally tell Usagi that he loves him. And when you consider all the facts, its not even that, as Usagi was kind of avoiding Misaki, if you noticed in the last Usagi POV in the first chapter, that he was thinking of how to play off telling Misaki to leave as another of the moments that he didn't mean.**

 **Anyway, just wanted to point that out, and tell all my lovely readers that there will be Lemon. I like writing... "Mature", because "Pervy" is such an ugly word to describe the sweetness. So there will be Lemon, rest assures you "Mature" loving readers.**

 **Thanks for the lovely reviews. I really like hearing your feedback, so don't hesitate in dropping a line.**


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